"Oh life, transient image on the silver screen, flickering and flashing before your very eyes or that small country town you pass through on your way to a more prominent destination - blink and you'll miss it."
"Hey I think you missed the turn" my travelling companion announced as we we headed to some vaguely familiar destination. I'd been there a couple of times over the span of about two years and it was always easier to find in daylight than at night which was when we were heading there on this occasion. And I think it was this particular mind set plus the emotional embers of an argument with my then girlfriend that preoccupied me to the point of ending up miles away from our destination. However, my companion was an understanding type who knew my girlfriend, the destination and my tendency to become distracted with the slightest provocation. "Better late then never mate" he said as I did yet another u turn.
I was kind of dizzy at that point but thanked him for his understanding while inwardly cursing the magical mystery and wonder of relational disharmony wondering how something so good could turn into something so bad and if dissociation was something prescribed in relationship counselling.
Years later, meaning now that destination has vanished, as has the girlfriend who preoccupied my thoughts at the time, but the memories remain as they often do, especially when it involves the semblance or full blown manifestation of failure, either as a traveller or a boyfriend. "You don't act like a boyfriend" I still remember her complaining one day, the emasculating criticism tempered only by the sweet scent of the Vanderbilt perfume she used to wear. Actually if by emasculated I mean mildly amused than we are on the same page, and yet with that admission maybe she was right. In the end what ever happened in the distance of yesterday is history, though in the temporal sense only as the memories remain, more apparent if accompanied by emotion.
But what do you remember oh avid and distinguished reader ? For me it's a mixture of the bitter and sweet, more of either depending on my current emotional state. I remember all those joyful Christmas' and coastal holidays of my younger years, but I also remember the embaressment of peeing myself after being smacked off the jungle gym as a 6 year old by yes, one of those Irish Catholic nuns who did not want me to be late for recorder practise. Another vague and imprecise memory of 33 grade 1 students murdering hot cross buns making cats fights sound melodic. Years later I heard the instrument played by a professional recorder player and requested he play hot cross buns. He just laughed at me, perhaps remembering his own humble beginnings.
Have you ever heard the expressions, "you are the sum total of your experiences", "you become what you see" and my personal favourite, "the best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour". If your not just the least bit insulted by these sentiments then I will be insulted for the both of us. Such sentiments seem to suggest an unshakeable determinism and totally disregards the human capacity for change. Sure we can all blame and lament the past at times, but there is no future in the past unless your an academic historian who makes a living out of teaching and writing about history.
And yet why is it that the past looms so large at times that we seem to be reliving it due to those annoying triggers as a consequence of mortal longevity. A friend of mine once said that he had more triggers than a gun factory. If you ever met him you would see the personification of bitterness and regret, a man hopelessly stuck in the past. In a sense not living but reliving the reasons for his ongoing despair. The straw only breaks the camels back if we continue to live in the desert of memory.
So, you may well ponder, what is the solution to this universal problem. How do we truly move on from the past and become all that we are meant to be ? We do this by moving forward. Apostle Paul, writes of this in his letter to the Church in Phillpi, encouraging people to forget what is past and press on toward the goal, oneness with our perfect creator. What is even more remarkable is that Paul was in prison as he was writing this letter. Sometimes it may just be one foot in front of the other, but any step forward is a step in the right direction. I encourage you, myself and others to do as many of those things each day that bring happiness and fulfilment, to enable the creation of new and positive memories to minimise the impact and relevance of a painful past.
As any traveller knows, things look smaller the further away you get from them. Now I'm not suggesting a complete eradification of memory for life experience and consequential memories are the things that shape us, and the past is made up of the bitter and the sweet, the highs and the lows. By all means revisit those experiences thoughtfully and actively, that made you smile and left you wishing for more of the same. The experiential antidote to depression, is to do the things that are meaningful and life affirming. To be happy we need to do happy !
Happiness is not a destination but a manner of travelling