Max Machine

When I was a child as I once was years ago, I remember one Christmas getting the present I wanted most. It was called a Max Machine and it must have been about 1978. It was all I talked about from the moment I saw it advertised on TV and in my pre-pubescent state this kind of advertising was quite persuasive. Such was my fascination that I can’t actually remember any other presents I got in those days, besides a bug catcher and a dragster pushbike. True these presents were well received, but my want for the Max Machine bordered on obsession, because I did not just want it, I actually needed. Or so I thought back then. I have taken the liberty of copying a picture of my prized treasure thanks to google, which would have been considered science fiction in 1978. The internet would not even be invented for another 5 years (apparently).

And now I consider the complaint of modern day teenagers and even older adults about how much they need good wifi.

“How was the accomodation” I asked a friend recently

His reply was frustrating and a sad reflection of an almost obsessional dependance on the technology, “ the wifi was very slow” so I could not upload my photos on instagram to show everybody how much i was enjoying my holiday.

And what then if nobody gives your post a thumbs up or even acknowledges it. Does it detract from your experience. If it does, then there is something seriously wrong, no offence. If we spend so much effort taking photos of the experience to show others or ourselves at a later date, are we truly living in the moment and whose holiday is it anyway.

Of course I had no idea about any of this as an 8 or 9 year old, just the obsession I had with my wonderful Max Machine. So much did I revere this toy, that I I was constantly checking to see if it was turned off, so I could play all day with it the next day. I remember it was on the shelf above my bed, and I must have moved it closer and closer to the edge, with my relentless monitoring. And what happened ? It fell off and broke.

“If you love something set it free” took on a whole new meaning for me at the ripe old age of 8.

Sadly I was not very philosophical at that age and even now if someone had suggested that to me back then, certainly something would have been set free, or rather dislodged as the philosopher lost a tooth. No I did not have anger management issues back then , but as they always say “”

“hell hath no fury like an 8 year old who broke the best Christmas present he ever had on the first day he had had

had it.

Maybe you can identify, maybe you can’t. The point is and I’m realising at exponential rate over 40 years later is the importance of not being so obsessed with things that don’t last, be it material things like a Max machine, a relationship, a thought or a belief.

He stammered “there is no one else like her and sure it isn’t perfect but I cant do any better.

I mean look at me and look at her”

This type of thinking, while incubated over many years and as the result of many messages urging you to me more realistic and to fight within your weight division is not helpful. Don’t focus on where you are, bur rather where you would like to be. I almost forgot my bug catcher and dragster bike, so great was my pre-pubescent grief at the demise of my Max Machine. Change your perspective and change your life.

What are you holding onto that stops you from really living and opening yourself up to new experiences and opportunities. Do something new every day even if you don’t think you can and remember to let go and live

How many times

Years before I saw her face I knew who she was. Reputation will generally precede when there is no time to make an up to date assessment of someone’s character.

How many times have I passed someone by due to public opinion or my private speculation of “yes I’ve seen their type before”

“Oh don’t even think about speaking to that person. They are always angry or so depressed they make a guinea pig’s kneecap look like Mount Everest”

How do we ever really know what someone else is going through unless we take some time to listen.

(“Im angry because my mother died too early and my father married a woman who was young enough to be my sister and she was mean and abuse. I’m angry about that, not about you or anyone else. I think i’m angriest at myself as I continue to live in the memory of my ever present past”)

How did he move on, how do I move on ? Sadly, some people i’ve known never moved on, continuing to be trapped in the past and never truly living in the present. I believe that memory is very rarely the problem, rather it is the emotion that is still connected to the memory. I also believe that such unexpressed emotion can manifest as physical issues and illness and I’m sure many of you would have heard the same.

But can we ever really move on from the past. Surely we must if we are ever to truly live in the present, uninhibited and untarnished by a myriad of negative memories. Now I’m not suggesting that complete eradication is possible or even necessary. Hold on to the positives, the good times, the joyful days, the times when you wished time would stand still or at least slow down to the point where you could savour the experience for just a bit longer.

But if you think about a past experience or relationship that evokes a negative emotion, then that is what needs to be let go of.

How can this be done you may well ask as I did myself the first time someone suggested it to me. “Confront the person and tell them exactly how you feel !”

Well you could, but what if they are no longer available or unwilling to say sorry or take responsibility or even suggest that “you just need to move on” Sometimes they may not even remember the incident. How would that make you feel ?

Pretty annoyed and I can speak from personal experience on that one. Please enter the therapeutic letter, another way of releasing the emotion, uninhibited or edited to avoid being offensive. This technique, if done correctly can provide a release of the emotion, thereby neutralising the memory. And once it is written you burn it. At the same time I encourage you to be firmly grounded in the present by engaging in meaningful activities. This serves as your anchor to the present before undertaking the historical journey. Simply stated, releasing negative emotions is an emotional process and you need to have something positive waiting for you on the other side of memory.

It is also important to continually create new positive memories for yourself. Step out everyday, knowing you are more than worthy to live the life you were meant to, uninhibited and free.

Unpacking the Suitcase

Unpacking the suitcase
“I cant believe your still wearing that” my loving wife gently admonishes
Rather sheepishly I reply, “well it still fits and you know how i feel about throwing things out that still fit me”
It’s almost a pride thing as i reflect, wearing something that I bought 5 years ago.
And then I remembered, I’d bought that shirt in an extra large size. Now why would I have done that ?

I can’t quite remember, perhaps as insurance against the inevitable middle aged spread, an unavoidable component of the aging process, or is it ?
I believe that a lot of things only become true only if we choose to believe them, particularly our perceptions about ourselves.

I remember one of my teachers told me I could not ever become a policeman cause I had flat feet. I still remember to this day how his dismissive and insensitive remark absolutely floored me, especially as the rest of the class laughed. I even check my feet sometimes today to check if they are actually flat and their actually not. As children and adolescents and even as adults we are told many things about ourselves which we do not question. Have you ever wanted to go for a promotion at work and some well meaning colleague suggested that the pressure would be too much for anyone or theres a lot of people applying already so why put yourself through such a stressful process. You might have been doing the same job for 5 years and you do it well so why mess with a good thing

Most recently I have been in the process an developing an online module with a colleague of mine, despite having a definite aversion to this in the past, believing it was too hard and that i did not have the skills, even if i don’t have flat feet. The reality of my admission is that the original wound to my sense of self worth became all pervasive, or at least when it comes to doing and trying new things. The number and wonderful variety of negative comments made about and to us can sadly become like fly paper, where everything sticks unless we have a voice or develop a voice that begins to question these negative comments.

Are you where you want to be right now, personally, professionally, relationally or physically. If you are, congratulations. But if your not, take some time to consider why not. What are the things you say and believe about yourself that hold you back from truly living the life your meant to, free and uninhibited by fear an self doubt. Isn’t it time to start unpacking the suitcase and throw out the things that no longer fit you. Chances someone else was packing your suitcase when you either weren’t looking or assertive enough to say, “no, I’m not going to wear that because it does not fit me, you can keep it with you.

FISHING

It’s funny the things you remember from the pages of your own personal time line, from then to till now. Most recently my reflection was precipitated by the taste of mulberries, by far my most favourite fruit though you never see them in Coles or Woolies and not even Aldi. Maybe its the memories recaptured, and not just the ones about the creek where my friends and I caught tadpoles and gorged ourselves on mulberries. Far as Im concerned there was no greater time I had than those mornings and at at times later afternoons, besides family holidays and going to the exhibition speedway on a Saturday night until the patience of the patients at the Royal Brisbane Hospital dissipated like so many other things. Back to mulberries and more particularly the tadpoles we took home with the hope of breeding more until our dad informed us that those cute little tadpoles would soon turn into cane toads (if you live in QLD).

One more lesson learnt like so many others which I am truly grateful for now, 45 years later. Another thing that Dad taught my brothers and I was how to fish, well at least to bait hand lines and drop them over the side of the boat. Dad also exhumed patience, though I imagine that he must have got frustrated at the constant cries of “ Dad, can you untangle my line and “stop him from looking at me” We enjoyed these fishing expeditions and I hope Dad did too despite the turmoil we caused. Years later he was still fishing and I think enjoying it just a bit more, left in peace as I was working by then. I remember I’d ask him every time how many fish he caught. Sometimes the answer was 5 or 6 and sometimes none or 1. I was always amazed that his cheerful demeanour never wavered even if he’d been out there for 6 hours and came home with zip.

I must admit I felt frustrated for him at times as I did not understand his cheerful expression. “Mick, whether I catch a fish or not I just enjoy being out on the water, smelling the salt air”. he’d say to me.

I did not realise or even appreciate what he meant by this until years later when I found myself in a similar situation, fishing off the bank in Biggera Waters, not catching anything but just enjoying the time. You see, it’s not about catching fish as much as it is about being present in the moment and truly alive. I was perfectly content being in the sun, with a light breeze and the sight and smell of the sea surrounding me.

Thank you Dad

What makes you come alive ?

What Makes You Come Alive ?

I see Kiss are doing another farewell tour. Strange I was lucky enough to see them at Carrara stadium in the year 2000 doing what turned out to be the first of many of their farewell tours. Maybe you were there too, and if not, well that’s okay. And what about John Farnham and his myriad of “see you round” tours. Apart from his recent and hopefully not life altering surgery, he always seems so effervescent to me. How about the Rolling Stones, Mick Jagger prancing around like a teenager and Keith Richards, despite the parody’s on face book (if you are as vintaged as me), well he just keeps on going. And the list goes on and rather cynically I used to question, “haven’t they made enough money by now?” Maybe and maybe not, but as I am getting older myself I realise that money is not the point.

“Yo Adrian, I’m a fighter and fighter’s fight!” and “I yam what I yam!” I’m sure you can put a names to these profound statements. Two men, albeit one an actor and the other my favourite cartoon character simply expressing the fundamental elements of who they are and why they do what they do. I suggest that if they had simply given in to the constraints of the world and public opinion there would have been no Rocky Balboa or Popeye the Sailor Man.

Maybe that does not resonate with you and if not I would ask you to consider someone you admire or propose , “well that person really has it all together” . And it is okay to have those feelings. But what about you, do you have similar feelings about yourself, and are we even allowed to ?. Sure we’ve probably all met those people who are always talking about the selves and whatever you’ve done, they have done it 100 times better. “Yeh man you caught a fish well I caught whale !” and “how much money did you make last year ?”. Unless its the tax office you are not obligated to say. I actually wonder what those people are hiding and don’t start me talking about selfies. What are they about, If not “look at me, look at me, look at me !” and I’m not alluding to Kath and Kim.

Sitting at the Nerang Bowls club sipping on a Carlton Black waiting for the Polo Volkswagen to be serviced and keeping my patience in check, making the most of the waiting time. I used to lament on all the time I spent waiting on train stations or at traffic lights and movies I regretted seeing, but believing it was somehow immoral to walk out of a cinema, as it was an insult to the actors and script writers who no doubt spent months and even years creating something that only lasted 1.5 hours at most, only to have someone like me walk out before boredom and frustration swallowed me whole. But it meant something to them and at the end of the day does matter. There is no such thing as wasted time, if we embrace the myriad of opportunity that it affords.

Anyway I feel I may be rambling and I can imagine my mirror critic cajoling me to get to the point. The script writer writes because he or she enjoys the process of writing and maybe making a bit of money on the side. I remember Lou Reed was once asked what that great social commentary “Walk on the Wild Side” meant to him, His answer no doubt would have annoyed and even infuriated musicologists who probably expected some deep and profound statement like “well have you got a spare couple of days? No, he answered brilliantly when he said. “well man, it meant I didn’t have to worry about paying rent for next couple of months”. Of course it meant something more than that, but true meaning is not necessarily derived through social affirmation or applause. When you do what you love and love what you do, that to me that is where true meaning is derived.

Do you have something that you do, that no body else understands or even values if it doesn’t fit into their narrow perspective of life and personal search for meaning ? If you really like what you’re doing and it doesn’t hurt any body else or yourself, then do it ! If you have nothing in your life you like to do then find something or talk to someone that can help you find it. This can be in areas or work, home life, a hobby, a sport, a role like being a grandparent or a friend, listening to music, helping others, church or religious activities and this list can go on and on. The question is what does it feel like to be truely alive? Passion, contentment, happiness, fulfilment, satisfaction, gratification, peacefulness...

To me Life doesn’t necessarily begin at any age, like they used to talk about life beginning at 40 and then 40 became the new 30, and so on. No, to me life begins when you start living, doing those things which you find meaningful and fulfilling, the things that make you come alive. Children always seem to be so good at that, don’t you think ? Have you ever watched a child play, so involved, so focussed and not constantly checking the clock (or their iPhone) before they move onto the next activity or commitment ? No, that does not happen till we get older and start living the scheduled life. But is that really living. People talk endlessly about the work life balance, imploring others to have one as they rush off to yet another meeting or commitment.

I remember when I was living and working in Central QLD. There was one afternoon when my friends were watching test cricket, something that was extremely meaningful to them, and far less so to me, so I went out to the back stairs and watched my mate’s 3 year old daughter play out a whole conversation between two clothes pegs. Yes so cute and so wonderful as she was living the life uninhibited, completely present centred (which I believe is the only place where true healing can ever take place). Who knows if she remembers this 17 years later cause I certainly do and the reason I am writing this.

A’mulberry picking

We used to go

down beside the rivers flow

juice stained shirts and purple fingers The sweetness of spring

the scent still lingers

Yes back then in the long ago, free from the pressures of commitment and schedule my brothers and I could just be, just as the little girl was and I hope can still find the time just to be. The bible says : to enter the kingdom of God we must be like little children, entering their happy place uninhibited, perfectly free, with a true sense of wonderment. .

Where is or was your happy place ? And I’m not necessarily talking about a destination, but more a state of mind. Rediscover or discover this, live it out and some of life’s challenges may just get a little bit easier. Let’s change the work/life balance philosophy to a life/work balance reality. And remember - You are worth it !

Rediscovering the things that make you come alive

When you look closely at a child you can’t miss a quality that we’ve lost as adults. They exist with freedom from shame and regret, just living life as it is. Remember those grand days before the responsibilities and commitments of the scheduled life. What did you do as a child that was not based on achievement and accolade, but simply for the sake of enjoyment. Bring that past into the present whenever you can because that’s when we are most alive

Drift Wood

How did we get here and where are we going. walking along the beach yesterday I reflected on these questions once again, inspired by pieces of drift wood draped among the shore. 

Some see drift wood and feel very little perhaps being focussed on the blue and green, while others may focus on the countless grains of sand. Me, I view each piece of drift wood to be a collection of stories and experiences as each of us are.

Where life starts and ends is important, but so is the line between the start and the finish. Who we were and became through our own volition, the choices we made and the roads that we walked. Yes the sum total of our experiences reflect who we are.

Do we walk our own road or do we dance to the beat of someone’s else’s drum?More than drift wood in fact we do get to choose our own road

 

Self care in stressful times

Activities to manage stress. Why don’t you give one of the activities a go today. QLD government has an initiative where you can build a deck of activities of your choice on line to improve your mental well-being. Please visit the link activities for a stronger mental well being

  • Gardening

  • Walking on the beach

  • Visiting a friend

  • Reading

  • Listening to music

  • Have a bubble bath

  • Deep breathing

  • Spending time in nature